another moral hangover. fuck.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
