you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
