well I can't set my house on fire every night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
