I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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