ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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