evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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