I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
