he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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