Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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