on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
