listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
