I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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