Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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