I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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