Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
