If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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