It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
