Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
