Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
