I hate your face
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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