Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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