I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
