We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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