So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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