I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She bit a glass in half.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
