if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
