oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
