apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
ttyl tear gas
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
