Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
