You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
