you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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