the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
