Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
