dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
