I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
