I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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