sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
