This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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