try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
did you just send me my own nude
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
