So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
