Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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