that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
