pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
