I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
