so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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