Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
