im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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