im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize