nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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