I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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