Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
