There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
