Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
