If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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