Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
