But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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