Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
