whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
