don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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