I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
