It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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