I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i dont even know how to be here
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
