Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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