Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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