she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
