my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
