You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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