I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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