My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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